Contradictions

by Sarah French

“If you’ve met one Autistic person, you’ve met one Autistic person.” It’s a phrase that a lot of people in the Autism community like. Autism is such a diverse diagnosis with such a vast list of symptoms, no one person has the same combination. Just because we all have the same diagnosis, doesn’t mean we’re all the same. It’s one of the things that makes being Autistic so amazing. And it’s also one of the things that makes being Autistic so frustrating. That contradiction is the first of many, many contradictions that exist for Autistic people. When talking about our experiences and campaigning for our rights, one of the biggest difficulties we face is figuring out what we’re asking society to do. We know that society is hurting us, and that needs to change – but it isn’t always clear what that change is. 

What would a culture made by and for Autistic people look like? It’s a question I asked myself when I was creating a fictional species for one of the stories I’ve made up recreationally. I created a species that, by nature, would have brains that work like Autistic human brains. One important aspect of culture is food, so I started thinking about that. My species would like bland food, I decided, because I like bland food. And then, I met Kyra, another one of the authors on this blog. She can’t stand bland food. That challenged my perception of Autism, because I thought liking bland food was a universal Autistic trait. But it turns out, that for every sensory avoiding Autistic person that’s picky beyond belief, there’s a sensory seeking Autistic person who loves expanding their pallet. If I were to truly create a culture representative of Autistic people, the food would have to be much more diverse. And this is only one example of the problems I ran into trying to create this culture. Everything from language to schooling to government, I started to design it the way I would have liked it, only to remember other Autistic people who would hate having it be like that. How could a culture built for Autistic people exist when there are so many contradictions?

While having difficulty with creating a made up culture isn’t that big a problem, I’ve experienced these contradictions and problems in more than just stories. Perhaps the most recent example came during a conference for young adults with disabilities last year. One of my fellow autists was a kind but overbearing boy who laid it on thick with compliments and physical touch. He was off-putting to me right away, but the touching wasn’t inappropriate, there was no ill intention behind it. This boy just showed appreciation with hand holding and shoulder bumping. He didn’t have the social awareness to realize how this made people uncomfortable. Meanwhile, many of us who interacted with him hated to be touched, and didn’t have the skills or confidence to communicate this to him. And so came the contradiction – we campaigned and campaigned for people to be accepting when Autistic people didn’t understand social cues, and yet here was a situation where we couldn’t accept someone not understanding social cues. As Autistic people we all belonged at that conference, and yet we couldn’t belong with each other. And it sucked, we all felt so bad avoiding him, but we didn’t know what else to do. 

Autistic contradictions are part of what makes campaigning for our rights so difficult. 

In the end, one thing has become concretely true of my fictional species’ culture: it’s accepting, and nothing is assumed. Written into every aspect of their world is the unspoken rule that nothing is too strange, that if someone does something you dislike, it’s perfectly acceptable and even preferred to ask about it or to let them know instead of judging them behind their backs. Because ultimately, that’s what the Autistic people I know are really asking for. For people to give us the benefit of the doubt and realize that our actions are rarely malicious. We don’t need you to know what every single one of us needs to thrive, we just need you to be willing to ask.